A year in Gossipland
Even celebrities take time off from their debauchery to enjoy the year’s festivities, so all is rather quiet on the gossip front this week. Instead of the usual update, I shall be taking you through some stories that made the year (from what I can remember of it).
The whole Brad/Jen/Angelina fiasco:
Oh my lord this story went on forever! Brad and Jen split, Brad gets a hotter new girlfriend (I think most women would do Angelina, be honest now!) in order to promote their mediocre film, Jen acts in typical boring, dignified manner (no swearing or threats of violence), Brad plays happy families, Jen is forced to downgrade to Vince Vaughn… All will live happily ever after!
Tom Cruise turned crazy!:
It’s amazing what firing your experienced publicist in favour of your sister can do for your reputation, as Tom found out this summer. Not only did he promote his religion (read – ‘cult’) of scientology, he also jumped up and down on Oprah’s sofa proclaiming his love for Katie ‘the one out of Dawson’s Creek’ Holmes and when he wasn’t acting a nut job he was pissing off users of antidepressants. But even that wasn’t enough for our Tom; he got lil Katie pregnant. Now I don’t wanna get in trouble for libel or anything here, but is anyone else thinking this may be the Michael Jackson style of fathering children?! Just a thought.
Nannygate:
Jude Law was a naughty, naughty boy this year (so much so that he was booted off my ‘list of men who I would’!). Sleeping with your children’s nanny would be fine if a) she was hot and b) he was single. As none of the former applied Jude can officially be classed as a wanker. Sienna you can do better love.
Kate 4 Pete forever (Sid and Nancy eat your heart out!):
This story was one of my favourites this year. Model Kate Moss and her rock star boyfriend Pete Doherty both ended up in rehab after one cocaine scandal or another. I really feel I have to defend Kate here and point out the hypocrisy of the modern media. We all know that rich people with high powered jobs take illegal substances to relieve the pressure, and it’s not exactly a secret that drugs are rampant throughout the fashion industry. So the very people responsible for Kate’s downfall were probably snorting coke with her before using the razorblade to stab her in the back! Oh for the days when it was cool for stars to be on drugs. I miss proper rock and roll bands. Come on, don’t get all moral on me, you would love to see McFly off their tits on acid!!!
(Would rather see McFly in a vat of acid to be honest – Neale)
Russell Crowe’s phone RAGE!!:
One word – ROFLMAO!. Love that man, I really do!
And that’s all I can remember really. Now Neale told me I've been a bit obvious in dropping hints about men I think are fit in all my articles. So here is my subtle as a brick guide to the showbiz men who have made my year.
The obvious:
Johnny Depp – 3 films in one year; oh it was good to be a Depp fan in 2005.
The thinking girl’s crumpet:
Gael Garcia Bernal – multi-lingual, really hot and unwilling to sell out. Shame he’s a midget though!
The new discovery:
Josh Holloway (aka Sawyer from Lost) – makes a great programme even better!
The home-grown talent:
Richard Hammond – so cute and funny. Watch Top Gear or Brainiac and you will understand. But again he is a midget!!
The ‘I know it’s just wrong but I love him anyway’:
Paul Robinson – who else?!
The unbelievably wrong:
James McAvoy (aka Mr Tumnus in Narnia) – that’s right, I was having impure thoughts about a guy dressed as half-man/half-fawn!!!
